What Drives Me On?

Having been involved in the Arts for as long as I can remember, I have had my share of ups and downs. It has been an interesting journey, which has, at times, been more like clinging desperately –and often in exhilaration– to a tidal surge that is pushing me forward and pulling me under in the same stroke.

I have wondered, many times, what the defining element was, that crystallizing event that has defined my career so far, my burning desire to create, to spread a message. Why is it that I was cut from that cloth –however poor of a pedigree– that would keep me up late at night scrawling out ideas and feeding my ravenous desire to learn more and more?

I remember one event in particular that had a great effect on my sense of what might be accomplished: my first grade science fair. I've always had a great fondness for peg beetles (which I called 'stag beetles" at the time) and chose to make them the subject of my project. Deciding that just an illustrated poster alone wouldn't do, I also adhered a terrarium, made from the clear plastic packaging from a He-Man action figure, to the poster with live beetles and a mini-habitat. I must admit that I felt a rush when I walked into the classroom and my wonderfully encouraging teacher, Ms. Alexander, showed much enthusiasm. Winning first place was also immensely satisfying to an awkward and shy little boy. Ironically, that melding of graphic design, art and nature, directly links to where I am today: still combining those elements to tell a story, but instead of a Crayola marker, I'm using a camera to do most of my illustration work. And, of course, my passion for nature has been an equally, if not more of a determining force in my life these past few years.

Perhaps it is an addiction to creativity, there is certainly a rush associated with artistic success and an ever-growing hunger to achieve more. If so, I'm afraid that there may not be a cure. Whatever it is that drives me on has been a constant companion in my life, for better or for worse, and as I write, I can't help be distracted by an idea that just occurred to me. It is a relentless master, but one that I love and hate at once, and without it I would be lost.

METAMORPHOSE MEMORIES

In March of 2008, scientists from Georgetown University released the findings of a study offering proof that moths retain memories gained as caterpillars throughout the transformation of metamorphosis into adulthood. You can read more about this here, here and here. This amazing process has always intrigued mankind and has been the subject of much speculation. The fact that memories are retained throughout this period of extreme morphological change is simply incredible.

I bring this up because I was thinking about how we as photographers, and artists, are continually required to change in order to grow and stay current in the marketplace. For many people, this can be a terrifying aspect of the business because we often fear that the connection to where we’ve come from will be lost; our artistic history so-to-speak. It is easy to find a comfortable place, where things are moving along very steadily (kind of like a caterpillar chewing leaves), and suddenly feel 'the pull' toward a different direction, which threatens to change everything. What do we do? Do we choose to ignore the little voice, or do we jump into the rabbit-hole with both feet and hope for the best? Personally, I believe that a caterpillar that refuses to grow up becomes bird food.

As each year goes by, I feel more and more comfortable following those little voices. I’ve basically given myself just a couple of loose guidelines to go by: 1.) I want to continue to focus on nature and conservation related topics. This could be wildlife or man’s involvement in nature. 2.) Look for new directions to experiment which will force me to grow. Even if things don't work out, such attempts will only make me a better problem-solver/photographer in the end so the fear of failure should be denied.

Ultimately, it is this fear of failure that keeps so many of us from going through our own personal metamorphoses. However, we should always remember that regardless of what direction our careers take us in, we’ll continue to retain the memories of where we’ve come from. These experiences will always be there to serve as a guide, regardless of whether or not a new direction takes to the wing.